Reader JesseVenturablvd writes in with tales of love and fast food:

Dear Lt. Pike,

I’m preparing for a first date this evening with a girl I picked up at a Burger King drive thru window (I was driving she was working the window). Any tips for making a good first impression?

Yeah, first tip, stop eating at Burger King. Second, bring pepper spray. Not to use, but to wag at her during a lull in the conversation. I can’t back this up but I think women love a big red canister. Important: do not remove the safety pin before wagging or you WILL spray her until her eyes bleed.

Get some!

– Lt. John Pike



  1. stan van houcke says:

    dear robocop pike,

    as a dutch citizen i am surprised you acted so cowardly. what did you think you were doing? restoring order? anyway, if ever you plan a visit to amsterdam, please let us know. we can give you a warm welcome.

    the police force of amsterdam
    police sergeant stan van houcke

  2. Anonymous says:

    Sounds like the Amsterdam police force could use some extra pepper in their…faces. Maybe if they weren’t so busy letting drug dealers and prostitutes roam like free citizens and they pepper sprayed them in their faces more they wouldn’t have such a problem with citizens not being pepper sprayed.

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