Mailman Delivering After 5:00pm

Reader DeLaGoya34 writes in from Mesquite, NV about a delinquent mailman:

…He shows up at 5:00, 5:15, even at 5:20 on days with particularly inclement weather. Whatever happened to professional pride? Business hours end at 5:00pm. Any advice on ensuring I receive my mail at the PROPER time?

DeLaGoya34, have you tried pepper spraying your mailman until his eyes bleed? I have found this to be an effective technique for achieving most disciplinary ends. And, here’s a bit of “inside baseball,” I would recommend attending a weekend course in your region for security certification. This little piece of paper will make it very difficult to prosecute you for what would otherwise be considered a brutal, unprovoked first degree assault.

Regardless, try pepper spraying him until his eyes bleed. Mail will probably start arriving earlier. Possibly by a new carrier. But earlier.

Good tidings and happy holidays.

– Lt. John Pike

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One thought on “Mailman Delivering After 5:00pm

  1. cvs says:

    Yes, but mailmen carry pepper spray! It could go on and on.

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