Reader NurseJacque1964 writes in about her thankless but critical work caring for the elderly:

Dear Lt. Pike,

Long time reader, first time writer. I work with the elderly, and often have to assist in relocating them from the homes they have lived in for decades, into nursing homes or elder care facilities. They put up a good fight, don’t be fooled by their paper-thin skin and withered bones. Any advice for smoothing the transition (for me, I mean)?

Interesting. Have you tried pepper spraying them until their eyes bleed? I have found this eliminates the subject’s desire to resist, usually because their eyes are bleeding. I would be interested to know how this technique works for you, as most of my experience is with waif-like young women and assorted vegans. I have not, to date, pepper sprayed elderlies until their eyes bleed.

Happy Holidays,

– Lt. John Pike


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